That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
