Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still dying that you shit outside
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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