last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
