On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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