He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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