Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
