You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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