wakey wakey hands off snakey
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
