Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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