will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
