Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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