How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
