D3 body, D1 cock
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Quick, to the slutcave!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
