Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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