The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
