Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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