his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
