I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
