My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
