Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
