I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
