omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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