Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
