these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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