Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
