Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
