shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
