My sheets look like a crime scene.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
