you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
