Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
