Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
