i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
