He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
