I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
