Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
