so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
