Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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