That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
