i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
