for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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