I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
