i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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