So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
