Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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