look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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