a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
