Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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