Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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