Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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