your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
