Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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