Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
