If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
