At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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