I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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