So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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