I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
