Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
